Wine Mom, Let’s Talk.

Since when is motherhood automatically linked to alcohol? I mean I’m sippin’ Rosé right now while my kid is at a birthday party and my hubby is actually behaving. Crap, it’s 7:00 already? Anytime now the hellraiser will be back. Any. Time. Now.

Ha, jk! My daughter is actually pretty great and I don’t use wine to cope with mothering her often, nor do I know of many moms who would say they do this. But apparently, it exists. Today I read an article about “wine mom” and it basically says she’s much more worrisome than funny (in response to recent bad moms/girlfriends gone wild movies) because “mom drinking” is at an all-time high. MOM DRINKING. *face palm*

Apparently, wine mom uses alcohol to cope with stress. She self-medicates. She sets an example for her impressionable children that throwing back Chardonnay is the way to deal with stress.

Ugh. Both the not so funny #winemom jokes and bashing of her alike only remind me why I tried so hard vowed to not write a mom blog, and further solidifies my hatred of ALL things stereotypical mommy culture.

Now, if you know me or have ever taken a glance at the Zen Femme Co. Instagram page, you know I love wine and, yes, I am someone’s, gasp, MOTHER! Dun dun DUNNN!!!

I also looove tequila, but only the light stuff. I find the brown makes me a little too aggressive. I once got down with Jameson trying to be @badgalriri bad, and thought I liked it. I was wrong. It snuck up on me and I wasn’t ready… it wasn’t cute. However, I do love…

A lot of things! Chocolate almonds, all things romantic, Mexican food, candles, flip flops, scary movies, nature in Fall, live music, rollercoasters, men’s cologne, healing crystals, snickerdoodles, Shark Tank, haunted cities, and weirdos who don’t care if they look cool… none of which have anything to do with being a parent.

My point? If you’ve joked about being a wine mom or can relate to her, you may be saying it’s not THAT big of a deal and that everyone should chill TF OUTTT!!!

Quite possibly true. What was that? I think I hear your Pinot calling…

Really though, feeling the need to numb in order to deal with parenthood is a sign you’re neglecting your most primal identity… and Dad who also has arms, legs, and a beating heart.

Honor your non-wife/non-mom self! 

You were a person before you became a mother. I am still a woman with an identity completely independent of the status of my uterus, and though I embrace and immensely enjoy being a mommy, I understand the importance of nurturing the woman who was here first.

Whatever my drink of choice, I drink that sh-t with pleasure & dignity. A glass of my new favorite sweet Shiraz is a symbol of relaxation, pampering, and conscious queening. Linking up with friends, watching my favorite show after a long day, working on my dream after my 9-to-5… these are things deserving of libations.

Drinking to cope with the stresses of being a mother isn’t a thing for me. I’d sooner drink to deal with my crazy man. My relationship with my daughter is the most fun, tender and honest relationship I’ve experienced next to my Hubba Hubba.

And though I don’t consider being a mom an inherently hard task in & of itself, I know the conditions surrounding motherhood can certainly be difficult. But giving into an unrealistic, soul-sucking perfectionist view of what motherhood should look like (many times according to minions) is what literally kills our joy in the experience.

Sometimes we make our lives so f-©k!n9 hard, ladies.

And I know, we’d like to think it isn’t all on us, but it is because we set the tone. You set the tone for your life and what you allow to be too much. I’ll give you a short example.

My daughter didn’t go trick-or-treating this year. I didn’t feel like going, but was determined for her to have a good Halloween. When I got home from work I was tired. We started watching a new show together and she asked me if I really wanted to go trick-or-treating. I told her I wanted her to have a good night, so yes. Her response was a shoulder shrug. “I don’t really care if we go. You can just get me some candy later and we can keep watching the show. I’m enjoying our mother-daughter time at home.” You have no idea how this made me feel.

Trying to keep up appearances, do the most, please everyone, suppress our opinions, be martyrs, and reject our truths will trigger unhealthy coping mechanisms.

So don’t chug, check in. Embrace yourself as the beautifully unique, magnetic, whole woman you are and always were. Treat yourself as such. (Soon you’ll be able to grab a Zen Femme box whose mission is just this. I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist. It’s in the works, baby!)

De-stress and do the things you love. Prioritize something you love every day and don’t put it in last place on the list because last place often doesn’t get done.

Also, put everything on a scale. When something comes up, weigh out what’s important versus what you’re making important due to fear of outside (i.e. irrelevant) opinion and self-judgment. We’re human. Accepting our humanness breeds confidence and inner peace… pretty much INVINCIBILITY.

And I’d much rather teach my daughter THAT than taint her view of Moscato. I mean what kind of monster would set a future superwoman up for that kind of complex?

xo,

B

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